She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
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Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
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When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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