Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
