After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
