Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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