Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
whose parrot is this?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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