I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
