i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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