ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
