Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
