so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize