why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
