Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
