four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
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