why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
