Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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