btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Life is so much better after having sex.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
