I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
