On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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