I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
