He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
