I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
