I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
