You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
When did we convert life to cartoon?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
