I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
