i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
