Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
