Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
