i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
