How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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