we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
