I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
