I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
