my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
we made out on top of his cat.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Everything about him screamed your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize