she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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