I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
we're so committed to being not committed
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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