my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
