Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He uses pillows to masturbate.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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