mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
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I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
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we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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