So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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