I bet he comes in French.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
