This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
