GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
