There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
