I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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