I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
