i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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