found the other keg... it's in the tree
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
