very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
