He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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