What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
