I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize