Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
