Acid is not a monday night drug
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
