Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
