You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
