separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
