so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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