I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
