I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I have already put on my inside pants.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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