I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
