I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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