I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
