I'm really into asian looking animals
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
