this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
