is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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