last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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